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    7/12/2006

    82.獨處時

    你會不會怕獨處?
     
    長久一來,因為沒有男朋友的關係,做任何事情都是一個人,迷路、再迷路、繼續迷路......已經變成家常便飯。
     
    好友一直是在提醒我,要好好的把路記下來,做事情要沈穩,慢慢來......,她很像我媽媽,在我耳邊滔滔不絕的唸著、提醒著,深怕我一個人開車會出意外,深怕我受了傷......。
     
    後來,我對好友的依賴漸漸加深,做什麼事情都要拖著她陪我,連禱告、讀經都是,哈哈。因此,當有心人士要追求她時,我真是難過,因為我都已經對她依賴成性了,她若是嫁人了,我怎麼辦?
     
    連續幾十天,忐忑不安與我如影隨形。一個人也不是,找好友又會吵架。前兩天下定決心回學校安靜。
     
    我記得在英國時,教會的牧師很愛點蠟燭,於是我如法炮製,看見燭火,彷彿上帝就在我身旁,讓我原本弔詭的心情,漸漸地緩和下來。
     
    許久不曾一個人獨處了。更是沒有好好跟上帝獨處、談心了。
    老大,對不起。
    也謝謝你把我拉回來。
    老大,謝謝你。

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